I wanna cry but I’m one of those people who never cry and that just makes things worse.
fandoms: Castle, Lost Girl, Once Upon A Time, Doctor Who, Sherlock, Supernatural, Marvel, Hannibal, Dexter.
mostly its Castle and there's a fair bit of Lost Girl and Once Upon A Time.
and i'm catching up on a bunch of shows; Doctor Who, Supernatural, Hannibal and a few more.
i ship all the major ships. Caskett, Doccubus, Swan Queen, Johnlock, Destiel, etc, etc.
Then there's The Avengers, Spider Man, basically any superhero movie since i'm childish enough to still believe in them.
And I'm a sucker for Disney movies.
oh and, when something goes wrong with my day, i don't have anyone to talk to so i post about it here.
Basically its all Castle. and occasionally other fandoms.
I’m a fucking mess on the inside. And no one fucking sees it. My mom doesn’t see it, she thinks I’m perfectly fine. I’m not. I am so not. But I don’t let anyone see it.
"U’re pathetic." "You’ll never get anywhere in life"
Yeah sure why the fuck not? Why not blame every fucking thing that has gone wrong on me? Yeah why the fuck don’t we do that? I’ll tell u why the fuck not. Because after everything I’ve been through and after every fucking thing I’ve been fucking put through, I’ve realized that the only way to stay alive is to focus on the good things even though they r tiny and basically mean nothing and I have put so much work into myself so that I can be here right now.
I fucking hate my fucking life. And it’s four in the morning and this is the last thing I needed to hear right now. Now mom, u know why I don’t talk to u that much? It’s because every time I do, no matter what the fuck it’s about, u redirect it to everything that’s wrong and make it my fault and give me all the “u only talk about tv shows or tumblr, how about praying or asking god to help us?” And like no fucking thank u.
I know everything is fucking wrong right now but the least I can do is surround myself with things that make me happy and make me not want to FUCKING KILL MYSELF!!! “Why r u on ur phone all day?” BECAUSE ITS THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME FROM JUMPING OFF A FUCKING BUILDING. And yeah EVERY MOTHER FUCKING GODDAMNED THING IS MY FUCKING FAULT. STOP MAKING ME FEEL LIKE CRAP. I’M ALREADY THERE!!!
I would be cutting myself but I can’t. Well I can, I have enough blades and knives in my drawer but my mom would kill me. So instead I go on dexter and Hannibal marathons. It messes with my head and gives me the worst nightmares. This is my way of hurting myself. Instead of doing it physically I do it mentally. And I’ve noticed I’ve been doing it more often recently. I wanna cut because suddenly this isn’t enough. But I’m afraid if I start I won’t be able to stop.
"I swear, if u’re talking to a boy I will…." It’s not a boy mom. It’s a girl. But I CANT FUCKING TELL U THAT. BECAUSE IF I DO U WILL KICK ME OUT.
This was last time I talk to her. And I swear to fucking hell that I won’t say another word unless I have to. I’ve been spending my days since like last month in the living room so I could somewhat socialize. AND I AM DONE. I’m back to isolating myself in my room and I’m only responding if u ask me to do something. IM NOT SAYING A SINGLE WORD OTHER THAN WHAT I HAVE TO.
"U’re pathetic." "You’ll never get anywhere in life" "U never talk to me" "U never help me around the house" "U’r 14, try acting like it." "U’re irresponsible." "Get off that phone already" "U’r not gonna get anywhere in life"
U’r not supposed to treat me like shit and make me feel like shit and blame me for everything and get mad at me for spending most of my time on the internet. Ur supposed to be there for me and tell me it’s okay. Especially if it’s not my fault. And U should let me surround myself with things that make me happy and relatively stable instead of yell at me for doing so.
“high school will be the best four years of your life”
Beckett, what do you want?
On this day in history: March 9, 2009 the pilot episode of ABC’s Castle, “Flowers for Your Grave” aired for the fist time.
Happy Castleversary Castle Fandom! Who is watching 1x01 today to celebrate?